Frog in boiling water – why we stay in abusive relationships so long.

Why did I stay so long? Why didn’t I see it until now? How could I have done this to myself and my children? These are the questions I hear from abuse survivors ALL. THE. TIME. They blame themselves for being abused. They take responsibility for the behaviour of their abuser. They carry soul crushing [...]

Self Gaslighting

Self Gaslighting Buckle up, this is going to be rough….trigger warning for emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse. Possibly also triggers around minimising and micro aggressions to self. Okay, there’s the triggers out the way. If I’ve left anything out please let me know and I’ll add them in. This is something I want you to [...]

Mental illness isn’t an excuse to abuse.

There is a permanent struggle with clients over whether the behaviours narcissists exhibit are in intentional. There’s a deeper struggle around the fact that narcissism is listed in the DSM, which officially makes it a mental illness. Society is shifting towards an understanding and awareness of mental health issues and conditions. There’s a growing acceptance [...]

Love Bombing

Hello! It's a quiet Friday this week, which is welcome after the load I carried last week, so I'm taking it easy and catching up on bits and pieces, and ignoring other bits and pieces....it's quite nice 😉 I've been wanting to write about this for a while now, so here is a blog on [...]

Narcissistic parents and the complementary moral defence.

I love the words in this image, because we repeat what we know even if that means ending up in abusive situations. The biggest problem with this is that when there is parental narcissistic abuse, sometimes those who have suffered don’t realise until they’re a LOT older and have already experienced abusive relationships. Narcissistic parents [...]

Toxic Masculinity

Okay, I’m going to try and venture into this topic. It’s contentious. I truly believe it’s a thing, and I also believe that it’s as damaging to men as it is women. What is toxic masculinity? You all gave such interesting answers; answers that gave me food for thought, and also helped me understand how [...]

Why can’t they see the poison?

It can be really tough when we see through someone’s behaviour, and recognise it for toxicity, and yet, others don’t. Especially in narcissistic families, when the scapegoat realises the parent is abusive it can be isolating and frustrating that others in the same family can’t or won’t acknowledge how unhealthy the behaviour is. The same [...]

Suicide Part 2.

Suicide, part two. When I wrote the previous post, I was thinking about people who experience suicidal ideation from a place where their external impact is perceived as one so negative that they wish not to be a burden anymore. I was describing what I can only describe as honest suicide. As I wrote it, [...]